Remember: with cooking, the most important thing is hygiene. So before you begin, stumble into the bathroom. Then pick up a bar of soap and stare at it for about thirty seconds while rocking backwards and forwards. Try to remember why the fuck you are in your bathroom holding a bar of soap. Leave bathroom.
You now need to find the kitchen. Think hard, you must have left it around here somewhere. Stumble in its general direction, placing your hand against the wall. This will help support you and maybe if you're lucky you'll find a light switch as well. Light could help at this point. If things are rotating, try rotating in the opposite direction to make them stay still. After entering the kitchen, turn on the light and stare blankly. After a minute or two, realize that this is not the kitchen, unless you recently put a bed in the middle of your kitchen. Keep stumbling from room to room until you find the kitchen. If you are single, you can skip this. If you are married, you need to remember that loud noises in the kitchen could wake your spouse, and you're in no condition to try to win an argument with anyone sober. So it's important to move with exaggerated caution whilst inadvertently making loud noises anyway, in order to preserve the precarious delusion that you're being considerate. Now you're ready to begin.
My recipe: open a spinach can d'aucy. Put it in the microwave for 1-2 min, in a white plate, without metal..or if you want to see small shining stars inside your microwave, use a plate with metal in it:))
Open the fridge and chose a nice smiling egg. Put a pan with some oil in it on fire and don't smash the smiling egg...try to "open" it with tender. When your egg is white you can put it on you spinach plate..Easy. You must
enjoy your food.
You now need to find the kitchen. Think hard, you must have left it around here somewhere. Stumble in its general direction, placing your hand against the wall. This will help support you and maybe if you're lucky you'll find a light switch as well. Light could help at this point. If things are rotating, try rotating in the opposite direction to make them stay still. After entering the kitchen, turn on the light and stare blankly. After a minute or two, realize that this is not the kitchen, unless you recently put a bed in the middle of your kitchen. Keep stumbling from room to room until you find the kitchen. If you are single, you can skip this. If you are married, you need to remember that loud noises in the kitchen could wake your spouse, and you're in no condition to try to win an argument with anyone sober. So it's important to move with exaggerated caution whilst inadvertently making loud noises anyway, in order to preserve the precarious delusion that you're being considerate. Now you're ready to begin.
My recipe: open a spinach can d'aucy. Put it in the microwave for 1-2 min, in a white plate, without metal..or if you want to see small shining stars inside your microwave, use a plate with metal in it:))
Open the fridge and chose a nice smiling egg. Put a pan with some oil in it on fire and don't smash the smiling egg...try to "open" it with tender. When your egg is white you can put it on you spinach plate..Easy. You must
enjoy your food.
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