joi, 19 februarie 2009


Simtesc cum ca te-am neglijat. Nu am vrut. De fapt adevarul este ca am fost asa de ocupata..
Exact ca pe vremuri. Cica nu pot sa fac lucrurile pe jumatate. Sper ca daca le fac "pe intreg", sa le fac perfect. Nu stiu de fapt cum e cu perfectiunea. De doua zile tac si ascult. Ce lucru mare este sa taci. Mai ales cand ai ceva interesant de auzit. Tac si ma gandesc la ale mele, aud, ascult, gandesc, tac. Pentru ca aud chestii despre care habar nu am. Ajung acasa, intru pe net, caut, citesc, devorez. Trec ore, tac iar, ascult. Ma gandesc. Nu inteleg nimic.
Exista un om care ma face sa tac. Are ochii aceia de care ma feresc pentru ca daca m-as uita atent la ei mi-as aduce aminte de o viata uitata. Din cand in cand fac o gluma, el isi pierde aerul serios si rade, in spatele barbatului care emite teorii e tot el..Stiam eu. E mai slab, i-a crescut parul, a mai crescut si el.
Imi suiera vantul in ferestre. Oamenii apar pe strazi cu nume de fructe. Oamenii dispar in spatele unui apel nepreluat.

Insa exact cand gandul meu se duce inapoi in timp, suna telefonul si tu ma intrebi daca sunt Valentina. Da, am inteles, ai numarul de la Nea Nelutzu din Voinesti. Vrei sa te impaci cu Valentina, am inteles ca ai suparat-o. E o fata buna. Eu nu stiu cine e Nea Nelutzu din Voinesti..stiu ca acolo sunt mere. Si tu, senin imi spui ca acolo e si multa ...CEAPA.
Ceapa?!?! Inchizi, ma suni iar, eu rad si habar nu am ca esti tu pana la primul chicot. Haha! Ce gluma! Auzi, ceapa la Voinesti.

Vin maine. Cel care ma face sa tac o sa fie acolo si poimaine. Imi miros mainile a fum. Daca tac fumez mai mult. Cu tine nu tac.

miercuri, 18 februarie 2009

Pentru ca in viata poti sa faci de toate..iata..

Nu am avut somn. In noaptea de dinaintea primei petreceri am facut documentare pe net, am invatat care si cum erau triburile, mi-am imaginat dansuri powwow, am visat pene, atacuri, pe Pocahontas, pe Ultimul Mohican insusi (cu muzica aferenta)..
Nu a fost asa de greu in vis. Pe viu este de 1000 de ori mai greu. Daca ai parte de multi pici, ai sanse sa ti se taie filmul:)) Bine, nu sunt profesionista ci doar cochetez cu meseria pentru care altii au invatat ani de zile ;))
Mi-a placut sa fiu pirat. Imi sta mai bine cu mustatza decat cu coditze! Am emotii de fiecare data, parca sunt inainte de un examen. Emotiile ma fac sa fiu puternica dar frica este ..cum sa zic..Nu mi-a fost frica la niciun PPM, la nici o filmare, asa cum imi e de frica sa nu gresesc ceva cand e vorba de copilasi..Nu ai ce sa gresesti de fapt..
Piticii sunt cel mai frumos lucru de pe lume. Am avut parte de atata frumusete, de ochi senini, de iubire, de manutze calde, de baietei cu ochii albastrii care au pupat piratul pentru ca s-au prins ca sub palarie sunt ochii caprui dati cu fard verde (destul de gay piratul meu:)).
Imi plac piticii. Imi place sa ma pun la mintea lor pentru cateva ore, problema mea e alta..Eu uit ca trebuie sa ma pun la mintea lor si sa ii coordonez, eu ma vad una dintre ei si ma pierd in multime, sar odata cu ei, imi fac prieteni care ma pupacesc si care ma verifica sa vada cat sunt de apoi plec desi as vrea sa raman acolo, in gradinitza, as vrea sa incap in scaunele alea mici, as vrea sa am din nou dulapiorul meu cu un ghiocel desenat pe el.
Si n-am..Si nimic nu e mai trist decat eu sa plec si ei sa ramana acolo, fara griji, cu fatzucele alea frumoase, senine.

Latter edit: Ca sa fie ceva clar! Cand eram mici nu vroiam sa crestem niciodata mari decat din anumite motive! Eu personal am vrut sa fiu mare ca sa:

- ma uit mai mult la tv (done that!)

- sa stau afara mai mult sa ma joc (done that!)

- sa ma duc la discoteca (oho!! Done that !!)

- sa ma lase cu copii in casa si la ei in casa (done that..ehe..)

- sa stau cu adultii la un loc pentru ca ei spuneau bancuri (done that too!)

si inca si inca. Pentru ca le-am facut pe toate, as vrea acum va rog sa fiu mica din nou. Si da, am o mare lista de motive pentru care vreau sa fiu mica..inca mai scriu la ea. As vrea sa se rezolve de maine va rog.. Cu colacul desumflat aferent, la mare, tipand. Daca se poate..
In alta ordine de idei, soarta mi-a scos in cale un om pe care credeam ca l-am uitat, dar cum nimic nu e intamplator..inca am ochii frumosi, am imbatranit, sunt inca punk (adica nebuna), sunt trista si se vede desi eu rad..Si am mai auzit multe chestii interesante. Mi-a placut sa constat ca stiu sa tac si sa ascult ore intregi. Doamne ce bine este sa mai vorbeasca si altcineva! Mereu numai eu vorbesc, si taca-taca, taca-taca..Ce bine este sa taci..Poate mi-am gasit nashul:))
Ia sa vedem cum se mai joaca soarta cu noi..hihihi. Life is good.

marți, 17 februarie 2009

Inca ianuarie, inca februarie..

2 friday
Renew thyself completely each day; do it again, and again, and forever again.
chinese saying

3 saturday
The mind of the past is ungraspable; the mind of the future is ungraspable; the mind of the present is ungrasaspable.
diamond sutra
(The Chinese Diamond Sutra, the oldest known dated printed book in the world, printed in the 9th year of Xiantong Era of the Tang Dynasty, or 868 CE)
4 sunday
The simplest things give me ideas.
joan miro
(Spanish painter, whose surrealist works, with their subject matter drawn from the realm of memory and imaginative fantasy, are some of the most original of the 20th century.)

15 thursday
Without staring death in the eye, as the perpetually reverse side of life, we cannot live fully and completely.
soko morinaga
(A Rinzai Zen roshi (1925-1995). He was head of Hanazono University and abbot of Daishu-in in Kyoto, one of the twenty-four sub-temples of the Daitoku-ji temple complex)
17 saturday
Dare to be naive.
r. buckminster fuller
(one of the most fascinating and original minds of his century. Born in 1895 in Milton, Massachusetts, he was the latest--if not the last--of the New England Transcendentalists. Like the transcendentalists, Fuller rejected the established religious and political notions of the past and adhered to an idealistic system of thought based on the essential unity of the natural world and the use of experiment and intuition as a means of understanding it. But, departing from the pattern of his New England predecessors, he proposed that only an understanding of technology in the deepest sense would afford humans a proper guide to individual conduct and the eventual salvation of society.)
22 thursady
Stop, stop. Do not speak. The ultimate truth is not even to think.
the buddha
(Buddhism started with the Buddha. The word ‘Buddha’ is a title, which means ‘one who is awake’ — in the sense of having ‘woken up to reality’. The Buddha was born as Siddhartha Gautama in Nepal around 2,500 years ago. He did not claim to be a god or a prophet. He was a human being who became Enlightened, understanding life in the deepest way possible.)
29 thursday
How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.
coco chanel
(Gabrielle Bonheur Chanel (August 19, 1883 - January 10, 1971 ) fashion designer, executive. She adopted the name Coco during a brief career as a cafe and concert singers 1905-1908.)
30 friday
We all want to be famous people, and the moment we want to BE something we are no longer free.
(Jiddu Krishnamurti (b. May 12, 1895, Madanapalle, Andhra Pradesh, India, d. February 18, 1986, Ojai, California) born of middle-class Brahmin parents, was recognized at age fourteen by the Theosophists Annie Besant and C.W. Leadbeater as the coming World Teacher. Mrs. Besant adopted the boy and took him to England, where he was educated and prepared for his coming role)
5 thursday
Do not seek for the truth, only stop having an opinion.
(Seng-ts'an lived in the late sixth century. He was the third patriarch of the early Chan (Zen) lineage in China)
12 thursday
The best way out is always through.
robert frost
(A kind of unofficial poet laureate of the US. "I would have written of me on my stone: I had a lover's quarrel with the world," Frost once said. In his poems Frost depicted the fields and farms of his surroundings, observing the details of rural life, which hide universal meaning. His independent, elusive, half humorous view of the world produced such remarks as "I never take my side in a quarrel", or "I'm never serious except when I'm fooling." )
16 monday
He dideach single thing as if he did nothing else.
charles dickens
(Charles John Huffam Dickens) was born in Landport, Portsmouth, on February 7, 1812. "He was a sympathiser to the poor, the suffering, and the oppressed; and by his death, one of England's greatest writers is lost to the world.")
17 tuesday
When you try to understand everything, you will not understand anything. The best way is to understand yourself, and then you will understand everything.
shunryu suzuki
(May 18, 1904 - December 4, 1971) was a Soto Zen priest born in the Kanagawa Prefecture of Japan. Suzuki was occasionally mistaken for the Zen scholar D.T. Suzuki, to which Suzuki would reply, "No, he's the big Suzuki, I'm the little Suzuki.")

luni, 16 februarie 2009

Zen-ul meu de zi cu zi

"Eliminate something superfluous from your life.
Break a habit.
Do something that makes you feel insecure.
Carry out an action with complete attention and intensity, as if it were your last."

Pierro Ferruci
pentru Thursday 1 January 2009
Mi-a luat mult pana m-am prins ca un calendar trebuie dat pagina cu pagina...citit, bagat la cap.
Nice gift from my friends from AdVenture.

Nu am ce sa scriu. Nu mai simt nimic. Iata ca mi s-a intamplat ceva care mi-a luat maul, tare, nu?!